small victories

Here are a few moments of victory in my life lately:

Today I decided that it is okay to request a day off for no reason other than I want one!

I also decided it is okay to cut down an after school commitment to one day a week instead of two. I realize that people can get things done without me so I am going to cut back for my own sanity!

and one that just warmed my heart:

Last week I was collecting my student's spelling tests and K said to me "I did my best Mrs. Stewart." He got less than 50% on the test but he tried and didn't whine like a few other students after the test. This actually felt like a huge victory for me. I tell my students all the time, "Do your best, work hard and never give up. To hear these things come out my students mouths as they try to encourage others and as they speak about themselves makes all of my hard work worth it. Now if I could only get K to get better scores on his spelling tests!!!

don't worry!

The title of this post is to help me remember that I should not worry! I was worried all weekend about how today with go. I was worried about getting a new student, having another student return after a very long absence and about how conferences would go tonight.

I do not need to worry because it won't change anything any ways! Thankfully I was able to turn my worries into prayers and tried to rely on God to get me through whatever today had in store.

The time I did worry was such a waste because I found out the new student won't be starting until Wednesday and the student that has been out sick didn't come back today either! Also conferences all went well and the parent that had made last week so awful came in to talk and I had a nice talk with her. I feel so much better!

Thank God! Now I am going to go eat and relax. Thank you for your prayers!

things I made

This evening I took these fabrics and buttons and made this for my friend Jonell, it is a laptop sleeve.

I also made this scarf for a friend, and sewed buttons on the jacket she is wearing (which you can't see).

I have been working on this bag since this past fall. I started it after being inspired by all of the birch trees I saw up north during my girl's weekend. I worked on it in stages but I am not entirely in love with the final project...maybe I will continue working on it.

Let me know if you have any ideas for my birch tree bag. I drew the birch trees and then screen printed them onto the fabric, sewed the bag and then stitched a few felt leaves on it. I think I will sew more leaves on it. Do you like it?

I really want to create my own etsy shop. I was going to wait until this summer but may try to start sooner. I feel so much better when I am finding time to create and I would love to be able to support my crafting hobby by selling things I make! Soon hopefully!

Prayer and Ice Cream

Well I got through the rest of the week. I am very tired but very happy because it is Friday.

I have been overwhelmed this week partially because some of my students have tough stuff going on at home which equals out of the ordinary behavior problems, stress and my heart breaking for them. I am also stressed out because of two very small comments from two parents that have me questioning myself. But I know that I am a great teacher and just need to realize that I can't please everybody and that I can only do so much. I am also worried because conferences are on Monday and I am not sure my self-esteem can handle any negative things parents might say. I am hoping that at least one parent will say thank you and that will help me to keep going. I really am trying my best to be a good teacher but to also have a personal life. I think I am doing a pretty good job.

But for now, I am praying. Praying for my students and their families and praying for myself that I will have the energy and perseverance to continue. If you are the praying type, then please pray with me.

Oh and please also pray for Joel who is just coming down the stairs to be done with work for the day. It is 9:30 and he will be working tomorrow too.

Now we are going to have ice cream and that always makes me feel a little better.

Liv's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day (well a little bit of good)

Yup, today was one that I am going to try to forget. All of it except for two things that have helped just a little.

a hug from someone at school who understands

and

being held by Joel

Oh, and I am also thankful that my car was not stolen...I thought for about 15 seconds that it may have been but it was simply parked behind the only other car in the lot. I just wasn't sure I could handle that, again, at least not today.

I hope you had a better day, or at least can think of a couple things that will encourage you to get out of bed again tomorrow.

my life is a work of art

In first grade my teacher told me that I was good at drawing and I will never forget that. I still remember how great it felt to have someone believe in me and think I was good at something I really enjoyed doing. Over the years I have spent a lot of time dabbling in a variety of arts and crafts and being creative but I had never thought of myself as an artist. I always wanted to be, but didn't think I made or did anything that could be considered art.

This past summer I spent most of my time sewing and creating. Creating became a huge part of who I am. I would wake up with the desire to create. I began looking for art and inspiration all around me. One day I took myself on a date to the Walker Art Museum in Minneapolis. I had never been there before and decided I would go with the goal of having an open mind and to be looking for something to draw me in. I went through all of the exhibits, spent extra time with a few pieces but didn't find anything that really captivated me so I headed to the gift shop to browse a bit before leaving.

In the gift shop I saw a post card of a sculpture entitled, "Prometheus Strangling the Vulture II". This piece was outside in the sculpture garden. I was immediately intrigued. In elementary school I started learning about mythology and was fascinated by all of the stories. The story of Prometheus was quite memorable. The poor guy did mortals a favor by giving them fire from the gods and got chained to a rock for the rest of his life because of it. If that wasn't bad enough a bird would come every day and eat his liver...the liver would grow back only to be eaten again the next day. I was very interested in seeing a portrayal of him getting his revenge on that bird! So I headed outside to find the sculpture.

I was walking towards the garden and noticed this woman kind of wandering around, looking a bit lost. I kept walking trying to find the sculpture and all of a sudden this woman was in front of me. She asked if I was interested in buying some earrings. I was a little shocked as I had been absorbed in my quest, but asked to see them. She showed me a pair of gold earrings with roses on them. I was honest and said I probably wouldn't wear them. Then she asked if I had 50 cents. She said that she had seen me happy and smiling as I was walking and that I seemed like someone that would want to help. She needed to catch the bus. I usually don't have change but I had just spent 50 cents on the Prometheus postcard and had two quarters left. So I gave them to her and she thanked me and said she hoped I had a nice day.

I was very touched by the comment she had made about me smiling. I had been having a lovely time on my date and was excited to see the sculpture. It meant a lot to me that I was projecting joy with a smile even though I didn't realize it. If you have read my first post on here you know that I was very depressed this past spring. So to go from depressed to walking around smiling for no particular reason was huge for me. I pondered this as I kept walking. I walked around the entire garden and still couldn't find the sculpture. I took pictures for a few families and then asked some girls if I could see their map. I found the sculpture on the map and realized I had walked right by it! So I headed back to the front of the gardens. I was surprised when I found that the sculpture was right where the woman had stopped to talk to me.

I sat among the sculptures and thought about this for awhile. I had been looking for a sculpture, a piece of art but missed it because of the conversation I had with this woman. Then I realized I hadn't missed the art but that the interaction I had with the woman was art itself. I am making art with my life when I help and love others. I felt like Prometheus in the sculpture finally having victory over the eagle. I have joy, I am happy and I have victory over depression. I have a positive outlook on life and about myself.

There is a quote that has become special to me by Henry David Thoreau, that says:

To affect the quality of the day; that is the art of life.

That is how I came to discover that my life is a work of art and I am the artist.

kid quotes

I love my job. One of the many reasons why is because I just never know what my first graders will say.

A couple of my favorites lately are:

D came up to have his math work corrected and I could see it was just scribbles.

D: It's in Japanese.

Me: Oh well, I can't read Japanese. I will need you to go do it in English for me.

D: But it is so much harder in English

Then he preceded to try and "read" his work to me since apparently he can read in Japanese.

Definitely a creative way to get out of work, I will give him that much.

While waiting in line for the bathroom W asked me, "Mrs. Stewart, is this your job?

Me: Yes, it is.

W: How much do they pay you?

Me: It doesn't matter.

W: It doesn't matter? So if they paid you one dollar would you do it?

Me: Yes I would.

W: Would you do it for two dollars?

Me: Yes.

W: Mrs. Stewart, you should have asked for $100!

Wow, it is too bad I didn't have him to negotiate my salary for me, maybe next time.

My evening

Today I left school as soon as I could. As a new teacher I often struggle with "get there early and stay too late syndrome" but I am working on it. There is a Humane Society very close to my school so I decided to treat myself to some time with kittens. Here is one of them. I love that cats like to get to the highest point possible. This one also snuggled me though.

This cat was a real sweetheart. I love that cats purr. I wish people did too.

This dog was...not so cute, but made me smile!

Afterwards I went home and crashed on the couch with a migraine and my very own cat. Love her!

Later I felt better and played games with Joel. Guess who won :-)

Valentine's Gift

Joel and I don't have any traditions for Valentine's Day. We spend the day together and usually go out for dinner or something. Nothing spectacular, but always nice. This year I have a challenge for us and for you too! From January 14th to February 14th we are going to be intentional about treating each other like we did when we were dating where we did everything we could to show the other person that we love them, care about them, are interested in them, think about them...basically we were obsessed with each other! I think this challenge will help our relationship not because Joel is lacking but because I am. I think that sometimes I can be self-centered and don't put Joel's needs before my own. I think that part of this comes from my dealing with depression over this last year. I have spent a lot of time processing and healing and that has turned my focus inward. Now that I am doing so well emotionally and spiritually I am excited to focus on Joel and "us". I still remember how my heart skipped a beat the first time Joel said the word "us". I will never forget how perfect that word sounded!

I talked to Joel about this idea on Saturday and I think he decided not to wait until the 14th to start. We spent all of Saturday together, doing nothing special, but I woke up Sunday morning feeling incredibly loved. I looked in the mirror and thought that I was beautiful, really beautiful. I didn't look in the mirror and see my flaws, I just saw me and I realized I am beautiful. Joel did little things on Saturday that made me feel like he thought I was beautiful. Thank you Joel for speaking truth into my life.

I spent this afternoon with a few girlfriends. Somehow the topic of how Joel and I started dating came up. I started telling the story, which I love to share, and immediately turned into a giggly little girl. I even brought out a couple of our journals and shared parts of it with my friends. We laughed and even cried a little. Joel and I have such a sweet and honest love story. I love my husband so much and will never doubt that we were meant for each other. I truly believe that when God created Joel he had me in mind!

Now I am going to go make some bread because I know that Joel will love waking up to the smell of fresh bread and he can make himself a panini for lunch. Good luck with the challenge, let me know if you choose to accept! I will keep you posted:-)

Little bits of joy

My week has consisted of trying to wake up early, go to work and still trying to have a personal life. Thus begins the struggle to live a balanced life again. Vacation was wonderful but I had been missing having a consistent schedule. It has been a busy week, but a very fulfilling one. It is nice to return to all of the activities I have chosen to fill my life with.

Tomorrow is Friday!! Woohoo!

This week I was either busy or asleep... After reflecting on this week the things that stand out are the little interactions I have had with the people in my life.

I have been able to see the joy that I bring into people's lives, and that is a wonderful feeling. I have had glimpses of that with students, co-workers, Joel and friends.

Things I want to remember about this week:

1. Getting to wake up next to Joel and be the first one that gets to tell him "Happy Birthday" needless to say I am very glad he was born :-)

2. All of the sweet hugs from my students after such a long break

3. A student saying "Mrs. Stewart, you are the best teacher ever, and not just because you give us candy, but because all of the work you give us to do is so fun!"

4. Seeing a group of girls getting really excited to help me with the costumes for "The Wiz" musical. I am looking forward to spending time with them and hopefully inspire them to exercise their creative sides.

5. Seeing one of my students smile after a little talk with me, his face often has such an angry/sad face on it, it is so wonderful to see him smile.

6. Asking a second grader for a hug and seeing how happy and proud he was to be cared for and hugged in front of other students (he is a more difficult student, that I love to pieces)

7. Having a group of our closest friends over for chili and games, I love our friends.

8. Showing Myles the birthday cake and seeing him glow with excitement and whisper "cake!"

9. Seeing my husband get exactly what he wanted for his birthday; time with friends

10. I love my students, my job, my friends, my family, my husband. I love my life and I am so blessed!

This is my favorite picture from this week. It captures the night for me. Myles is so happy about the cake and the boys in the background are so happy to be together, playing games and eating good food. I am on the other side of the camera so happy to be able to bless the people in my life.

Goodnight

The apple pie was delicious.

Joel watched 500 days of summer with me.

Turned out to be a nice day!

Now it is time to go to bed and set my alarm for the first time in 15 days.

Goodnight.

The classic "last day of Christmas break breakdown"

Well I have wasted the day. This seems to be my routine when I am trying to avoid something. I am a procrastinator through and through. I am avoiding going back to real life tomorrow. So instead of making the most of the day and attempting to make a few more memories, I sat on the couch and watched football. While there is nothing wrong with watching football, I never watch football because I do not enjoy watching football. I sat beside my husband trying to be a leech and get enjoyment out of watching him do something he wanted to do. Then I laid on the couch for a few hours, surfed the internet, facebooked and continued avoiding life. While on facebook I did a Myers-Briggs personality test. I have done the actual test before but wanted to see what facebook said. It said I was an ISFP! But I am not an ISFP I am an ENFP, or at least I thought I was. Now on top of avoiding my life I was having an identity crisis. I didn't know how to go on from there.

Finally around 7 PM I laid down on the stairs between our basement and upstairs and called out for Joel. Yup, I was pathetic personified. He came to my rescue and listened to me pout about avoiding life and not wanting to waste life at the same time. (Just one of the reasons I love my husband, he is always willing to listen to me) Then, I went upstairs and showered and now I feel better. I love Prozac. That was the shortest breakdown I have ever had. Not a single tear shed and I feel ready to conquer life again. While my personality type may still be in question I know who I am and who I don't want to be enough to get up and move on. And now I am going to bake an apple pie because I want to and I don't want to waste anymore of this day. Also, I am excited to try out the recipe I got from my mother in law while I was in Colorado.

I am considering changing my blog to www.mylifeonprozac.com, I will keep you posted!

Happy New Year!

Rather than post about my resolutions to "do better" in 2010, I am starting a list of my favorite things about 2009/things about this year that I am thankful for in no particular order.

1. Getting my first classroom teaching position and literally weeping for joy

2. My depression medication making my brain work and helping me to have joy again

3. Starting this blog

4. Having my very own crafting space

5. Finding a dress form at the thrift store that is my exact size

6. Making my first dress

7. Getting into screenprinting

8. Crafting with friends over the summer

9. All of Joel's visits to read with my kindergarten students

10. Annual girls weekend in Duluth

11. All of my fantastic Saver's finds... I love thrifting :-)

12. Joel

13. Remodeling the living room, not the during but the after

14. Hosting our first Thanksgiving for Joel's family

15. Meeting up with my mom and sister in St. Cloud

16. Seeing Julie & Julia with my mom

17. Anniversary trip to the little cottage

18. My first graders

19. Pajama day at school

20. My students telling me they love me, or that I am smart :-) so cute

21. My students telling their classmates to be quiet while I draw because I am an artist and they want me to be able to concentrate also seriously cute

22. Christmas vacation in Colorado

23. Friday night pizza with Joel

24. Love and Logic conference with Tahnee

25. Yoga this summer

26. Salsa dancing birthday party

27. Making quilts for my mom and mother-in-law

28. Surprise 50th birthday party for my mom

29. Our small group

30. Polar Express Christmas party with my students

31. watching So You Think You Can Dance with Joel

32. Baking and bringing treats to school

33. Zach and Shay moving to Minnesota

34. Girl's Bible study this summer

35. Hanging out with Shawn

36. My cat getting snugglier (yes that is a word in my dictionary)

37. Getting a new washer and dryer for free

38. Joel's no longer needing a cast or brace for his arm

39. Joel

40. Dancing with Joel

41. Redoing our bedroom

42. Telling my students I would be gone for a teacher workshop so I could learn how to be a better teacher and having them be shocked and say I didn't need to go to that because I am the best teacher!

43. Getting a new camera after a year and a half without one

44. Surprise birthday party from my kindergartners

45. Continually growing in my faith

46. Helping with "The Wiz" musical at school

47. Surprise date to see "Wicked" with Joel and Steph

48. Doing TaeBo with my students...it was cute :-)

49. Learning to not be so worried about what other people think and do what makes me happy

50. Pump It Up field trip with my students

to be continued...

Colorado Trip Days 6, 7 and 8

Sorry I stopped posting on the last two days of our trip. The end was jam packed and didn't leave much time for posting. We are now back in Minnesota. I am relishing my last day before returning to work. I have mixed feelings I sway between dreading having to set my alarm clock again for 5:30 AM and being excited to see my kids again. I have missed my kids but definitely not my alarm.

Highlights from the end of our Colorado vacation included:

Going up to Beaver Creek to ski with Joel's siblings. I went with but chose not to ski because of the tendonitis in my foot. I am trying to be a grown up and realize that pain=problem. I spent the morning in Starbucks and the afternoon in the cafe at the Ritz Carlton. The Ritz was lovely. I sat and sipped a delicious apple cider (with a whole stick of cinnamon in it) and looked at all of the crafty blogs I follow for inspiration. Oh yeah and the fresh chocolate chip cookies that were handed out at the ski area were pretty nice as well.

We spent the night at Joel's sister's house and watched "Lars and the Real Girls", I would recommend it. The next day we returned to Joel's parents house for a dinner with the extended family. Then we had a Christmas party with some of Joel's friends. Afterwards we had a nice talk with Joel's parents.

We had a great time on this trip. It truly felt like a vacation. We had lots of time with friends and family and even found a few moments for Joel and I to be alone. In the end I felt relaxed, had a great time, and have a closer relationship with my new family. Oh yeah and I loved having a week off from cooking! Turns out we should go on vacation a lot more :-)

We left early the next morning expecting a lot of holiday traffic at the airport. Thankfully we got through security quickly and had enough time for a nice breakfast.

My least favorite part of the trip was changing seats with someone so they could sit next to their friend and ending up sitting next to a woman who was obviously wearing Depends and had been depending on one pair for far too long I think. Let's just say I was very thankful to get off the plane! We were a little last minute with arranging a ride home from the airport and ended up stuffed in the back seat of our friends car along with their twin girls and all of their holiday luggage. It was a tight fit but further proof that we have great friends!